Pacing the Celebrations
The house is finally quiet and calm. I’m standing in my empty living room, my hands on my hips, looking at the aftermath of a holiday party. The party went great, but I’m exhausted…
Why? Well, to me, a holiday party means I get to show off how good I am at logistics. And I am. Seriously, I love organizing the flow of people and ideas until the event feels magical.
And it worked. Everyone says it was a wonderful party. They enjoyed themselves. They loved the food. They didn’t have to worry about anything because, let’s be honest, I did the worrying for them. Even at the end, when different guests offered to help clean up, I didn’t want to ruin the magic for them and so I told them not to worry about it. And now, I’m realizing there is still at least an hour of work left for me… by myself.
Now, if my job is being an event planner, this evening ticked all the boxes. But I’m not an event planner. And although the party was great for my guests, I wasn’t really a part of the celebration. I wasn’t present during the “party” part of the party. I didn’t even remember to take pictures because I was too engrossed in the details of running the event itself.
This has happened to me time and again over the years. Birthday parties, Sunday dinners, family gatherings, you name it. My overachieving and people-pleasing tendencies take over it all.
So, as a recovering overachiever, I’m doing this year differently. I want to find the magic, but not at the expense of also being part of it. So, this calls for some Even-Achieving.
3 tips to Even-Achieve Your Holiday Parties this Year:
Set the intention
Before running to pinterest to begin ideating for the party, start by setting the intention for how YOU want to FEEL during the event. For instance, if I want to feel calm, I’ll use that “why” to help me decide which things I’m willing to actually plan.
If you find yourself wanting to overdo it (because let’s be honest some ideas are just so exciting) ask, “will that addition help or hurt my ability to feel [insert chosen feeling]?” If it’ll help, go for it. If not, save the idea for a different event.
Gather a team
When I go into event planner mode, I too often forget that real event planners don’t do it alone. They have a team. There is no actual glory in doing an event all by yourself unless you’re getting paid for it. And even then, most event planners hire at least an assistant and they use vendors.
So, to actually enjoy a party, either a) hire an actual event planner or b) recruit some help. For me, this means including family members in parts of the planning, delegating where I can, and asking for help with both setting up and taking down. This is one of those times that many hands not only make light work, but it also means you get to enjoy the event as well.
Target some Time-Outs
When it’s go time, my brain dials into the details of the event. I rarely sit and I’m tracking way too many things at the same time. This why when I get to the end of the event, I’m often surprised that it’s already over. If I don’t purposefully plan to take a time out, I’m not going to naturally do it.
But planning time-outs can be trickier than it sounds. Don’t think “I’ll do it at a specific time.” Time acts differently during an event. Instead, tag your reminder to a behavior. For instance, during Sunday dinner last week, I chose picking up my fork for dinner as my trigger behavior. As I picked it up, I took a deep breath and took a moment to truly look at each person sitting around the table and to appreciate all the details that had come together. (I even remembered to nab a picture this time!) This was the timeout I chose for myself. It’s short and easy and that moment has become the most vivid memory I have from the evening.
The holidays can be stressful – they can also be amazing. As Brene Brown says, “the magic is in the mess.” Make sure you don’t spend so much time perfecting the mess that you miss the magic.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope your holiday celebrations this year are full of both magic and presence. Happy holidays.
