Leveling Up
“It’s ok to be a novice at a higher level of something you are an expert in at a lower level.”
And just like that, my delivery coach, Jo Jongsma, helped me reframe one of my biggest fears as a high performer. You see, it’s not just failure that freaks out high performers. In fact, if you let me fail spectacularly, I may even be open to it. What I’m not willing to do, though, is to go backwards, lose progress or, heaven forbid, become worse at something I’m already good at.
So, what happens when it feels like our skills are slipping and we’re not performing at the level we want to be at?
I’ve seen lots of examples of this throughout my life. My daughter was frustrated because her final bench press test in a weights training class was much lower than she had been able to lift 2 weeks before.
I’ve taught voice students who get really frustrated that they were able to hit a high note last week and couldn’t do it again this week.
I’ve seen my dad get frustrated that he can’t recall things in the same way he used to.
And here I was. Angry that after doing theater for most of my life and even having coached and judged high school students in Shakespeare, I was committing introductory level public speaking faux paus. Why did my filler words and “ums” resurface?! It was frustrating and embarrassing.
Luckily, I’ve got a good coach. She gently told me, “You’re doing this at a higher level than you ever have before. You can stay an expert at the lower level if you want. But if you do, that’s only as far as you’ll ever get.”
Turns out, I’m more scared of staying stagnant than I am of seeming less skilled.
When we try to measure performance without context, our data is muddled. Our performance results could be telling us a different story than the one we think we’re reading.
For instance, my daughter was starting to get sick on the day of her weights training final. She didn’t realize that her physiology was already locked into a fight for something else.
My voice students often had to remember that our vocal cords can get damaged or fatigued and are influenced by everything from sleep, to air quality, to hormones, and more.
For me, my speeches are my own content for the first time instead of someone else’s. I can’t hide behind an arbitrary author if someone doesn’t like it. Also, the stakes are higher. This is my career. I care more deeply about everything involved with this. In every way, delivering my own content is me stepping into public speaking at a higher level – no wonder my self-soothing behaviors are resurfacing. I was looking at my presentation skills as if they were in a vacuum and I was letting that drag me down.
Here's what I learned-- By thinking of myself as “leveling up,” I’ve been able to accept my context. With this more accurate frame, I’ve been able to drop the emotional labor that comes with trying to maintain whatever impossible standard I was holding myself to. And now, I can make better decisions about how I’m going to skill up to meet this new demand.
If you’re like me and have been worried about a performance slip, here’s 3 tips to help you get back on track so you can keep moving forward.
Call it out
Pretending a sub-par performance doesn’t exist, does you no good. You might feel more comfortable if you ignore things, but the fact of the matter is that it won’t get better unless you’re willing to face it.
The hard part is getting yourself to a place where you can safely face it. Because, let’s be honest, if we get overly critical of ourselves, we can convince ourselves that we are so awful we shouldn’t even try. Too much criticism is demotivating – and not being motivated kills performance.
As with most things with Even-Achieving, the key is to find the balance in the middle. For instance, my biggest goal for 2026 is to be confident enough to show up and humble enough to get better.
This means, as I watch my performances, I need to note and celebrate what I do well (because I need to keep my motivation high) and I need to embrace the places I can keep growing. Both sides of that critique matter.
So your tip – celebrate your successes and embrace your mistakes as opportunities to grow.
2. Tie your need to be consistent to core values instead of surface level behaviors
When my coach called out that I was operating at a higher level, I was able to let go of the shame of not feeling consistent with my past. In his book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Robert Cialdini lists our need to be consistent as one of the biases that we will cling to and innately protect – even if it’s not serving us.
By tying the value of my performance to how consistent I’ve been with surface level behaviors (for instance my nervous ticks), I was letting this bias get in the way of my growth. And facing that deficit felt wildly uncomfortable. There were many times I could hear myself saying, “but that’s not who I am! I don’t say that! I don’t fumble over words!” But the fact is, I was saying those things and I was fumbling. I have video recording of it. There is literal proof.
To get around this tricky little bias, my coach and I dug deeper to find a stronger value that I want to be consistent with. For instance, I want to be someone who consistently shows up when things are hard. Being consistent with his value is more important to me than being a perfect presenter. My values won’t change. My behaviors? They change regularly.
After making this mind shift, I could feel myself settle. It was easy to say to myself, I’ve consistently tackled hard things in the past. I can do that again. I’m working at a higher level. It’s ok for things to feel awkward and new again.
With this reframe, my consistency bias is now serving me instead of whispering to me that I am failing.
3. Picture what the next level looks like
Because our performance doesn’t live in a vacuum, there are variables we often overlook. Being aware of these things can be used to our advantage. Instead of measuring our output without any context, let’s intentionally look at the other variables at play and then envision how we want to show up with them.
Here’s some questions I used to do this:
In what ways am stepping into a higher level? What are the expectations? What’s the environment like? What else could be influencing my performance?
If I was talking to someone brand new at this, and I didn’t want to scare them away, what would I say to them? How can I say that to myself? Where do I need to add more compassion? Where do I need to find more clarity? Are there places I need to skill up or problem-solve?
When I’m successful at this new level, and performing my best, what will that look like for me? What will it feel like? How can I find smaller moments of that while I’m still learning?
Now, instead of kicking myself for feeling like I’m underperforming on the fundamental things, I’m leaning in because I’m leveling up. And that’s exciting.
So, the next time you find yourself frustrated by a performance level that you think should have been better, take a moment to check. Are you going backwards or are you actually just leveling up?
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you find opportunities to reframe your unique struggles this week. You’ve got this.
Note: Cialdini, Robert B. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. New and Expanded, Harper Business, 2021.
