An Overachiever’s Guide to Asking for Help - Part 2
When I started my building my thought-leadership practice, my coach asked me start gathering names of folks in my network who are connected to events that will use speakers. In my brain, I was thinking of these folks as my ultimate helpers.
Problem is, I know like 2 people who actually fit that bill. And I don’t want to burn that lead before it’s ready.
This made me feel like I was in the trenches alone (once again).
When looking for help, I was committing one of the biggest faux pas. My thinking was that help only counts if it looks a certain way or if it can be the exact answer to what I think I need.
But guess what, there are other forms of help. And they matter just as much.
For instance, a few weeks ago, I texted my former nanny on a whim.
“Hey, do you know anyone at the University wellness center? I’m looking for a student group to test my speech on.”
“Hi!! I don’t know anyone there – BUT I have contacts with the honors program and ambassador program. Would they be a good fit?”
I went into that conversation looking for a very specific version of help, but she couldn’t provide that. Instead, she gave me a better solution (one that worked out great by the way), and she has continued to provide me with motivational boosts ever since.
So, if you’re an over-achiever who’s working on being better at letting others in, here’s 3 types of people that you can ask for help. Even if these folks don’t provide the final solution to your goals, they will keep you moving in the right direction.
The Doer
This is usually who we think of first. A “doer” is someone who can actually take on and complete whatever it is that you need done. This is a you delegate to and they deliver at a quality that you are happy with.
As overachievers, it is tough to find doers that you trust. When you find one (which will be the topic of next week’s article), make sure you take extra time to cultivate and sustain this relationship. Build in lots of reciprocity. Supply as much help to them as you ask them for. If you find a generous doer, it’s very important that you treat them well because once a doer feels taken advantage of, you’ll lose them forever.
Also, and this applies to all 3 folks, but especially if you’re asking for help from a doer, ASK EARLY! If you wait until you have no other options for help, your doer may not have time to help even if they want to. If they are indeed a good doer, you will not be the only request on their time. Give them and yourself the biggest chance at success by asking for help early in your process.
The Brainstormer
We started with our most obvious helper, but now we move to our less obvious ones—starting with the brainstormer. Even if you don’t have someone who can take on the physical task of getting things done, you may have people in your world who can help you think through how you’re getting your things done.
To find a good brainstormer, think of those in your circle who have experience or expertise in the area of the accomplishment you are moving towards. These folks are often very happy to share their advice to an eager ear.
I usually make an ask that sounds something like this, “dear [name], I’m working toward [achievement] and I want to go about doing it well. Do you have a few minutes I could learn from your experience?” And then, I use ChatGPT to help me brainstorm some good questions to help guide our conversation.
I have found that these discussions not only help me think clearer about my solutions, but they usually also expand my network in ways I didn’t know was possible. This level of help keeps giving well beyond whatever deadline you are currently pursuing.
The Motivator
Finally, the motivator. These are the folks in your circle who can buoy you up. They don’t need to have expertise or skills. These are folks who will gladly give you a much needed pep talk.
Sometimes, as high achievers, folks assume that we have everything figured out. But the truth is, even if we have awards and accolades, the satisfaction and motivation those things give us is short lived. Motivation needs consistent feeding. Don’t rely on just yourself to keep your motivation high.
The easiest way I’ve found to send a call for help to the motivators in my life is to send a small win out in to the world (usually on social media) and vulnerably share why it meant a lot to me. When people comment with kindness, thank them for their thoughts and share what that means to you to have them say something.
This also goes both ways. When you see people in your network sharing wins that matter to them, cheer for them visibly. It’s one of the easiest ways to help others and continue to build that reciprocity that really can be the fuel to help you keep going – no matter what task you have on hand.
One final thought on this—if you’re worried that asking for help means you may come across as someone who cannot do things on your own (first off, read part 1), remember that often there are people around you who would be honored to share in your success. One of the most generous things we can do as high achievers is to allow people to join us in our achievements. Your ask for help has the potential to be a powerful opportunity for connection. And those connections can be the most meaningful accomplishments you ever receive.
Next week, I’ll finish out this series by working through the attributes of a team of champions and how you can work towards finding your people.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you take an opportunity to think of other types of help that could sustain you this week.
