The Holy War
BYU and Utah have a rivalry that legends are made of. When they go head-to-head in football, it’s referred to by locals as “The Holy War.”
My husband has been a loyal BYU football season ticket holder his entire life. Nowadays, he switches which family member joins him with our other season ticket. For this year’s Holy War, I’m the lucky winner. Mostly so I can help my husband remember to be on his best behavior. However, I’m ok with it because stadiums are like candy shops for social scientists. 😊
We knew going into this year’s game that it could be rough. Both teams had similar playing styles. Both teams are ranked. Both teams play hard and most importantly, because of the rivalry, both teams really want to beat the other. Many times over the years, the winner of this game has been a matter of 3 points or less.
Growing up, I’ve seen time and time again when our team plays great all season until the rivalry game. Once this game comes up, they seem to almost be a different team, and I wasn’t sure why – until now. And it all has to do with the science of competitive arousal.
Negotiation research shows that smart and talented negotiators will make bad decisions when they start trying to “win at all costs.” Something happens where they lose sight of what they really want (i.e. making a good deal) and instead decide they want to beat the other person in the negotiation. When they’re in this state, researchers call it “competitive arousal.” It has been shown time and again that if a person or a group is in competitive arousal, they can make business decisions that are ultimately devastating for themselves and their organizations. The problem is, in the moment, it feels really good. It feels like you’re winning… but ultimately you lose.
Here are three factors that increase your competitive arousal:
1. Rivalry
2. Time pressure
3. The spotlight
Sports is a great place to see competitive arousal in action. No matter what, when you play a sport, you’re going to have points 2 & 3 always present. The game is timed, and the pressure is turned up. For this particular game, point 3 was especially ratcheted up. Media from Fox’s “big noon kick off” chose to highlight BYU and Utah this week. Also, a social media influencer, Dave Portnoy, visited BYU’s campus to rank it compared to other universities (and he overall was very nice to BYU… which he wasn’t as nice to Utah). This doesn’t even mention the fact that you have a stadium of noisy fans ever present. Hello, spotlight!
When you throw these two factors into a rivalry that is so intense, we have a social experiment of epic proportions. The stadium was a sea of blue dotted with some red and it was the fullest it has been since before the pandemic. The prayer before the game (because yes, BYU is a church sponsored school) urged fans to remember to be peacemakers and to act honorably – because the insults were already flying.
It doesn’t help that Utah’s coach, Kyle Whittingham, does not hide his disdain for BYU. In interviews, he refuses to say the name BYU and instead refers to it as “the school down south.” He never gives them praise or credit when asked. Instead, he defers and says, “I will talk about my own team.” I even found out that when the police escort arrived to pick up his team to go to the stadium, he refused to follow a “BYU police” car and required them to find an unmarked vehicle instead. Whittingham fuels the rivalry and with that alone we can assume that he’s already moving the needle to “wanting to win at all costs.” In this case, I believe it cost him the game.
The game was intense. Each play is one where fans seem to hold their breath. So, it’s surprising when the Ute team drives the ball down the field, gets within field goal range on a 4th down, and instead of kicking a field goal to get at least 3 points on the board, they try to go for it. They don’t want to settle for 3 points. They want the glory of 6-7 points from a touchdown instead.
This happens not once. Not twice. But three times throughout the game! They gave up a possible 9 points that should have been easy to make… but it in the moment, that choice felt like settling… not winning.
The game was a nail biter with each team playing well and fighting hard. BYU eventually wins 24-21. Looking at the final score makes those 3 lost field goals and their 9 potential points especially painful.
Now, you don’t have to play sports to be susceptible to competitive arousal. Getting things done is hard enough when there is time pressure and bosses who need your work and need it to be good (i.e. you’ve got a spotlight). In my work and personal life, I’m really good at seeing how points 2 & 3 come into play. However, I didn’t think that I had a rival, and so I convinced myself that I would always be in a good head space.
Here’s the thing, I’ve discovered that when I’m at my worst, it’s usually because I’ve been treating myself like my own rival. When I’m pushing myself so hard because I’ve got big goals, I’m usually thinking about all the things I want to get done and all the people I want to impress (points 2 & 3). Without realizing it, I start seeing my own body and my own needs as if they are an opposing team that I need to just beat. I start to think that it’s me and my physical limitations that are getting in the way of my success.
Instead of thinking of ways to help myself consistently succeed over time, I start adopting a “win at all costs mindset.” I find myself waiting to care for myself and I it justify by saying things like, “once I get past this project, then I’ll…” what, have time? Hm, for some reason that time never appears, and I don’t seem to want to slow down. It took me hitting a burnout that physically put a stop to my drive before I finally started treating my body like a teammate – instead of like a rival team. I’ve learned that in caring for myself, I’m stacking my resources and that means I’m more likely to be clutch when it really counts.
I really appreciated hearing the post-game interviews with Kalani Sitake, BYU’s coach. Sitake not only spoke well about the Utah team and their coach, he encouraged us as fans to do so as well. In the speech he gave his team after the game, he reminded them that the Utes are a good team and that they were grateful for them. He also reminded them that the season wasn’t over. That they were to keep working to play their best, be humble, and stay hungry. I can assume, this wasn’t the first time the team was hearing this. Sitake had been actively working to diffuse the pressure of the rivalry, and I think that overall, it helped his team make better decisions in the moments that counted. (They weren’t perfect though. Don’t get me started on the 4th quarter when they made the same mistake as Utah with going for it instead of kicking a field goal...Sheesh.)
So, I’m going to try and adapt Sitake’s advice to myself so I can diffuse my own internal rivalry. I’ll start with gratitude for what my body is capable of and how I can use it to push myself to better. I also will acknowledge that each achievement I make is only part of the season and that I need to act in a way that helps me stay in the game for the long haul. Hm, sounds a whole like Even-Achieving, doesn’t it?
Overall, the game may have made my blood pressure high, but I’m grateful to see some of my favorite science in action.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you find ways to help yourself stay in the game and to play your best.
For more on competitive arousal, check out this HBR article: When Winning Is Everything
