4 Ways to Check-in with Yourself
“Acknowledge! Acknowledge!”
My husband is quoting a line from one of my favorite childhood films again in an attempt to get my attention (It’s a random line from the Swan Princess, btw. Puffin shouts it at Odette).
With wide eyes and a sheepish grin, I turn my head towards him – embarrassed that I’ve been caught once again thinking about work instead of the conversation he’s trying to have with me.
You see, when my motivation towards a project or a goal is peaked, it can consume me. A lot of times, this works in my favor. I get things done… and I get them done well…
Other times, I go into overdrive and I start ignoring other things that matter to me, such as the needs of my family or the needs of my body.
Sadly, going into overdrive was the nasty habit that pushed me into burnout.
In the past, I taught myself to tune out the signals my body gave me. I know I’m not alone in this. We’re often given taglines that make it seem like anytime we’re not reaching the epic successes that we want – it must just be a motivation and endurance problem. Here’s some of the taglines I’ve been faced with:
No pain, no gain
If you’re not growing, you’re dying
Hustle hard
If I can do it, so can you
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
Just do it.
Nobody cares, keep going
Push harder, go further
Fall seven times, stand up eight
Wow. Sounds like slowing down and taking stock is simply being weak, doesn’t it?
I used to think that with the right amount of determination and grit, you can do anything. And although I do think determination and grit are important, I’ve gotten better at acknowledging that my body is the vehicle that has to get me there and it deserves my love and attention too. In fact, learning how to listen to myself and to stay present with the people I care about is the number one thing I’ve had to learn to do in order to heal from burnout. This means, I’ve had to learn ways to intentionally check in and listen.
Here are 4 ways I do that:
Yoga
I never thought I would like yoga. I’m not naturally flexible and the way my body is shaped means that the poses will never be easy for me. On top of that, I’m not someone you would ever probably associate with the word “zen.” Plus, I wasn’t sure about the cultural differences I was going to face while doing yoga.
When I used my performance focused lens, I thought yoga was about getting more flexible and building your strength in balance. And although it does do that, I thought that I could find other ways to do that more efficiently through other exercise means. What I didn’t realize though, is that yoga helps me learn to listen to my body – not just burn calories.
As I’ve done yoga consistently for almost 2 years now, I’ve come to appreciate it as a way to slow down and physically check in with my body. I’m always surprised at what muscles feel tight or tense and I’m learning to notice where my body holds it stress. During one class, our instructor said the mantra “the body craves movement and the mind craves stillness,” and this was the perfect way to describe how my body reacts to yoga. I use it as training for my mind as much as anything else and I love that it works.
When I’m not in the space for the cognitive load of listening, I’ve learned that yoga helps me use movement to do the listening.
Walking outside
I’ve written before about the many health benefits of spending time outside. You can read more about them in my article here.
Overall, I’ve found that being outside, without the distractions of more productive things (such as listening to a podcast, walking a dog, or even listening to music) can help me practice being bored enough to clear my head.
Sounds a little weird, but I’ve learned that when I walk, thoughts, ideas or feelings can come to me and work their way out. If I’m feeling stuck or in a rut, this can help bring ideas to the surface. If I’m feeling overwhelmed, the movement of walking and the fresh air can help me see things from a different perspective.
I’m always surprised to the different things that are bouncing around in my mind that don’t fully surface until I’m outside walking around.
Writing
I thought to be a writer, I needed to be one of those people who always seemed to be writing. OR be someone who was a “gifted” writer. That it was some inherent trait that you had to be passionate about for it to make you a writer. I knew my writing was passable. I learned the tricks that got me good enough grades in school. But that was all. It was an assignment. A chore. A means to an ends. Once again, I was looking at writing through a performance lens.
Once I shifted my reasons for writing to ones that meant I would practice listening to myself by getting my inner thoughts organized onto a page, I found the practice of writing to be much easier. And then, when I held myself to a schedule to write and post an article once a week, something that started as a chore has become a practice that I love.
Each week, I take the thoughts that have been swirling in my head based on the direction I’ve been headed, and I crystallize and synthesize those thoughts on a page. Not only has it helped me see where I’m currently at, but when I look back at what I’ve written, I’m able to use my past self to help me with lessons that my current self needs. And that’s pretty cool.
Spirituality
Last, and certainly not least, I’ve used practicing my religion as a way to become better at checking in with myself. If you’re not religious, you can substitute something as simple as meditation or spending time in nature for this part. Both have been shown to give similar benefits.
For me, it looks like spending time in scripture study and prayer each morning.
When I pray, I practice speaking aloud, to my higher power, the things I’m grateful for. I also take stock of where I’m currently at and where I’m hoping to go. I then spend time listening in reverence as I wait for feelings of confirmation that tell me either I’m headed in the direction I need to go or I need to recalibrate to other things.
This helps me intentionally slow down, listen, and redirect my goals to more than just my short-term desires. It helps me connect to things bigger than myself and to practice having faith during times of uncertainty. It has also granted me a sense of peace I have not been able to get in any other way.
These 4 practices are things I started when I was desperately trying to find a way out of the all-consuming exhaustion of burnout. I now continue these practices because of how much they help me stay on the path I want to be on instead of simply the one that is the loudest or the one that feels most urgent. My well-being professor once told me that what we measure ends up being what matters to us. So for me, I choose to measure what I want to matter.
Thanks for reading with me today. I hope you take some time to slow down and listen this week.
